I picked up an mmo not really knowing what I’d get into, and mostly playing with friends. instead, what I found was peaceful solace in being in a world that was alive, and story I cared about. friends fell off, yet my investment became more valuable and precious than ever. Yet still, I longed to share it with someone else. anyone. I wanted them to experience the same trials and downfalls as me and my character.
I spent about three months of my life after a sexual assault in my apartment, I didn’t feel like I could take a step outside. Instead, I played ffxiv.
I wanted someone to talk to, but fate sealed my life as a solo mmo player, drifting from city to city aimlessly, joining the occasional pug for a clear, but still, still just being on my own. it's quite a different experience than when I first started playing video games.
I used my remaining money as I did not go back to work to keep myself vaguely fed and lights and internet on. One day I had kinda had enough and attempted to hang myself in my closet. It didn’t work, so I cried and went back to play to try to forget about my sadness.
Something about everyone moving on and behind the avatars someone might have been going through the same thing as me, but here they were leading their lives in a fictional game. I found solace in that.
I’m going outside now, but some things have never changed.
I’ve made alt accounts and joined big guilds, but I find them loud and unfamiliar, yet, comforting. I will never have a place among these people to call home. Even among my small guild, I come and go, gone through content my peers have not, progressed faster in a single year than they had in a few.
I clean the chocobo stables and watch the house when they're gone, but I am only a sentinel, ready to fulfill the occasional favor, only to return to limsa and people watch.
I guess all final fantasy was trying to teach me was how to be alone and be okay and alone. It’s more difficult than any extreme trial or savage raid could be.
submitted by /u/astrologianof
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I spent about three months of my life after a sexual assault in my apartment, I didn’t feel like I could take a step outside. Instead, I played ffxiv.
I wanted someone to talk to, but fate sealed my life as a solo mmo player, drifting from city to city aimlessly, joining the occasional pug for a clear, but still, still just being on my own. it's quite a different experience than when I first started playing video games.
I used my remaining money as I did not go back to work to keep myself vaguely fed and lights and internet on. One day I had kinda had enough and attempted to hang myself in my closet. It didn’t work, so I cried and went back to play to try to forget about my sadness.
Something about everyone moving on and behind the avatars someone might have been going through the same thing as me, but here they were leading their lives in a fictional game. I found solace in that.
I’m going outside now, but some things have never changed.
I’ve made alt accounts and joined big guilds, but I find them loud and unfamiliar, yet, comforting. I will never have a place among these people to call home. Even among my small guild, I come and go, gone through content my peers have not, progressed faster in a single year than they had in a few.
I clean the chocobo stables and watch the house when they're gone, but I am only a sentinel, ready to fulfill the occasional favor, only to return to limsa and people watch.
I guess all final fantasy was trying to teach me was how to be alone and be okay and alone. It’s more difficult than any extreme trial or savage raid could be.
submitted by /u/astrologianof
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...