I'm not totally sure where to start. So I guess I'll say:
I deal with (C)PTSD, anxiety, and (thankfully rare) panic attacks. When Covid made managing my mental health difficult, I started my FFXIV journey. Played the story thoroughly. Leveled all jobs to 100. Did a couple savage tiers. Came to call Eorzea home.
This was a mixed bag, of course. Eorzea was a great place to hide and wait for the storm to pass, a great set of tasks on which to channel my anxious energy. But a solution? A boon to my mental health? Probably not. And I realized that gaming (in general, but including FFXIV) was giving me a way to rev the engine and burn off the fuel of anxiety, but what I really needed was to find a way to turn the engine off.
I've been doing lots of stuff for this. Working with a therapist. Developing strategies. Seeing real improvement on multiple fronts. And recently, I returned to Eorzea with a very different goal in mind. I started a new character with a self-imposed set of limits:
I call this "slow play." And I've been playing through the game with those restrictions. At (shocking!) a very slow pace. I've been leveling all available jobs in ARR, and I've got everything to 22+. I'm on the level 19 MSQ. And I'm at about 50 hours of play time.
More to the point: Did this help me "turn the engine off," in the way I was going for? Well, actually ... yeah. I've been surprised to find, sometimes, that my shoulders will unclench and my body will calm down when I'm playing. So, mission accomplished.
But do you want to know the biggest thing I'm learning? Guys, Eorzea is absolutely gorgeous. Even though I've already slowed myself down beyond reason, I will often just walk up to vistas in game and stare at them for five, ten minutes. I always thought of Thanalan as kind of ugly before, but it's now my favorite zone. Or there's that trio of waterfalls you can see from the upper decks of Limsa. Or the astonishing size of the redwoods in The Black Shroud. Before, I would just zoom through these places -- as fast as possible from Point A to Point B, getting a general sense of the environments but never really settling in.
That process of slowing down and settling in seems to be what my hyper-vigilance needs in order to "turn off." By default, I tend to feel unsafe in my body. But if I can slow down enough to see the beauty, it helps bring me closer to calm.
It's been fun, experiencing the game in a way that's oriented toward stillness, exploration, and beauty rather than "achieving goals." And though it's only one tool in my kit ... honestly, it's been really positive. I had a panic attack ten days ago, and have felt really frayed since. But walking slowly through Eorzea has been powerfully comforting.
I guess I wanted to talk about this because: maybe some of you will understand. And maybe it will encourage a small number of you to try something similar yourself. If you do, I hope it helps. But in any case, I wanted to share my experience -- and my gratitude for the beauty of this (wild, digital, carefully crafted) world.
submitted by /u/RobbieBlair
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I deal with (C)PTSD, anxiety, and (thankfully rare) panic attacks. When Covid made managing my mental health difficult, I started my FFXIV journey. Played the story thoroughly. Leveled all jobs to 100. Did a couple savage tiers. Came to call Eorzea home.
This was a mixed bag, of course. Eorzea was a great place to hide and wait for the storm to pass, a great set of tasks on which to channel my anxious energy. But a solution? A boon to my mental health? Probably not. And I realized that gaming (in general, but including FFXIV) was giving me a way to rev the engine and burn off the fuel of anxiety, but what I really needed was to find a way to turn the engine off.
I've been doing lots of stuff for this. Working with a therapist. Developing strategies. Seeing real improvement on multiple fronts. And recently, I returned to Eorzea with a very different goal in mind. I started a new character with a self-imposed set of limits:
- No teleporting (or return, or city aethernet, etc.)
- No mounts (chocobo porters are okay, chocobo rentals are not)
- In major cities, walk speed only
- No roulette; if I want to run a dungeon, I have to go to the dungeon
- Keep the entire UI off as much as reasonably possible. (Yes, including in combat.)
I call this "slow play." And I've been playing through the game with those restrictions. At (shocking!) a very slow pace. I've been leveling all available jobs in ARR, and I've got everything to 22+. I'm on the level 19 MSQ. And I'm at about 50 hours of play time.
More to the point: Did this help me "turn the engine off," in the way I was going for? Well, actually ... yeah. I've been surprised to find, sometimes, that my shoulders will unclench and my body will calm down when I'm playing. So, mission accomplished.
But do you want to know the biggest thing I'm learning? Guys, Eorzea is absolutely gorgeous. Even though I've already slowed myself down beyond reason, I will often just walk up to vistas in game and stare at them for five, ten minutes. I always thought of Thanalan as kind of ugly before, but it's now my favorite zone. Or there's that trio of waterfalls you can see from the upper decks of Limsa. Or the astonishing size of the redwoods in The Black Shroud. Before, I would just zoom through these places -- as fast as possible from Point A to Point B, getting a general sense of the environments but never really settling in.
That process of slowing down and settling in seems to be what my hyper-vigilance needs in order to "turn off." By default, I tend to feel unsafe in my body. But if I can slow down enough to see the beauty, it helps bring me closer to calm.
It's been fun, experiencing the game in a way that's oriented toward stillness, exploration, and beauty rather than "achieving goals." And though it's only one tool in my kit ... honestly, it's been really positive. I had a panic attack ten days ago, and have felt really frayed since. But walking slowly through Eorzea has been powerfully comforting.
I guess I wanted to talk about this because: maybe some of you will understand. And maybe it will encourage a small number of you to try something similar yourself. If you do, I hope it helps. But in any case, I wanted to share my experience -- and my gratitude for the beauty of this (wild, digital, carefully crafted) world.
submitted by /u/RobbieBlair
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...