TL;DR at the bottom.
Basically, I feel like I'm drowning.
For the majority of this year, I have played almost exclusively alone. I had been running an FC on Crystal from the beginning of 2018 until May 2019, but starting in November 2018 many of the people I had been playing regularly with stopped logging in for various reasons (all of which were understandable). When they did start sporadically logging in again in January/February, they excluded me from their activities. People that I spent hours upon hours in voice chat with for months on end, decided to start their own Discord server and while I was invited, voice chat was pretty dead if I logged into it, or I'd notice they were pinging each other to join for things I could do and was online to do, but the invitation was never extended to me. This was happening while I was trying to run the FC (they were my officers, it should be mentioned) and having multiple people leave with the reason being "no one interacts w/ each other." I did everything I thought I could to increase interaction but in May, after spending several days trying to get help from people online to do something and being actively ignored, it came to a head and I was told by several that they didn't want to be in an FC that interacted with each other and I had about 3/4 of our members leave in about 10 minutes (we were a small-ish FC; only about 30 people). I was also unfriended on Discord and everywhere else.
A few weeks after that, I server transferred to Midgardsormr to be with another friend, who was also a streamer, and help him set up his own FC. From there, I had a small group of people (3-4) that I did a lot of stuff with outside of the FC (met through that friend). Unfortunately, the FC itself failed for multiple reasons (mostly the leader got too stressed out in July and stopped playing but also because 90% of the members were new to the game, got overwhelmed by the story or frustrated at not being at end game, or jump skipped to get to end game but then couldn't play well enough to do the things the leader wanted to do which led to the leader being frustrated). I left that FC after it died. The small group I played with disintegrated end of July/beginning of August (around when Savage was released, I guess) as one member wanted to do savage but wouldn't invite me along (many reasons there), another member doesn't do any content outside of Roulettes, and the other two people stopped playing the game for other reasons. I repeatedly asked for help from the one person with savage but was ignored or the conversation changed. They eventually stopped using our Discord server and created their own to which I was not invited. They reappear and message me about once every two months now to say "I miss you" usually when they're drunk and then that's it.
I got into a static for Savage about a week after it came out, but the group itself couldn't stay together. We went 3 weeks and each raid night we had half or more of the group leaving for one reason or another and we didn't clear E1. I play black mage and some of the people who left said that unless I was putting out 15-16k, I shouldn't be in the static (no one in the static was doing over 10k at the time as we were learning the fight and they were having me do some really weird, uncomfortable positioning that I expressed concern over but was basically told "I'm not adjusting for anyone, you adjust for us."). They kicked the Ninja out because he missed 1 trick attack in a 3? min period. Being told I suck by people who weren't doing much better than me kind of knocked my confidence down a lot and so I've not tried again even though I do want to clear.
Since then, I've been on my own almost entirely. I have 1 friend on Midgardsormr but we now haven't done anything together for a month and he's not interested in doing much beyond roulettes and running Hades maybe once a month (I have yet to learn the fight). We also haven't really talked much for a month now. I have kind of made acquaintances with some other people on other servers and have done some casual stuff with a few of them but I feel very much like an outsider and not "good enough" for anything else since they clear TEA and all that. I'm never invited to roulettes or whatever, I mostly invite myself or ask if I can tag along for this or that.
I don't really know what I want out of this post. I've considered transferring off Midgardsormr to a more active server (I've checked out the recruitments here on Reddit and for Midgar there's been no activity for a month; I also have no fc at the moment and haven't had an FC invite in over a month) but I feel like where ever I go I'm having issues and I refuse to believe that it's always someone else's fault. I live by the motto: if you meet 1 asshole in a day, you met 1 asshole. If you meet assholes all day, chances are you are the asshole. Essentially, if you're the common denominator then the problem must be you.
But I don't know what my problem is. I just feel like I don't fit in, I can't make those connections. And lately I feel like I'm just.. drowning in loneliness and frustration. I'm an "older" (34) female gamer and I feel like that sometimes plays into it, but I also know there are a lot of people my age or older playing. Right now though, I feel like I'm paying a lot of money to basically sit afk and read Reddit or watch Netflix since I'm not doing much in game and I'm wondering if I should continue or if it's just that I'm not the right fit for the game even though I really do love it. Since I don't have friends in real life and have had this issue most of my life, I really do feel it's a me problem but I don't know how to fix myself to make me be someone people want to be around.
Does anyone else feel this way, or have felt this way, and if so what sort of things have helped?
I'm really sorry for the long-winded post and appreciate those of you that made it this far. <3
TL;DR: Feeling lonely after almost a year of being mostly alone, having trouble connecting w/ people and forming friendships, unsure what to do.
submitted by /u/--Maple--
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...
Basically, I feel like I'm drowning.
For the majority of this year, I have played almost exclusively alone. I had been running an FC on Crystal from the beginning of 2018 until May 2019, but starting in November 2018 many of the people I had been playing regularly with stopped logging in for various reasons (all of which were understandable). When they did start sporadically logging in again in January/February, they excluded me from their activities. People that I spent hours upon hours in voice chat with for months on end, decided to start their own Discord server and while I was invited, voice chat was pretty dead if I logged into it, or I'd notice they were pinging each other to join for things I could do and was online to do, but the invitation was never extended to me. This was happening while I was trying to run the FC (they were my officers, it should be mentioned) and having multiple people leave with the reason being "no one interacts w/ each other." I did everything I thought I could to increase interaction but in May, after spending several days trying to get help from people online to do something and being actively ignored, it came to a head and I was told by several that they didn't want to be in an FC that interacted with each other and I had about 3/4 of our members leave in about 10 minutes (we were a small-ish FC; only about 30 people). I was also unfriended on Discord and everywhere else.
A few weeks after that, I server transferred to Midgardsormr to be with another friend, who was also a streamer, and help him set up his own FC. From there, I had a small group of people (3-4) that I did a lot of stuff with outside of the FC (met through that friend). Unfortunately, the FC itself failed for multiple reasons (mostly the leader got too stressed out in July and stopped playing but also because 90% of the members were new to the game, got overwhelmed by the story or frustrated at not being at end game, or jump skipped to get to end game but then couldn't play well enough to do the things the leader wanted to do which led to the leader being frustrated). I left that FC after it died. The small group I played with disintegrated end of July/beginning of August (around when Savage was released, I guess) as one member wanted to do savage but wouldn't invite me along (many reasons there), another member doesn't do any content outside of Roulettes, and the other two people stopped playing the game for other reasons. I repeatedly asked for help from the one person with savage but was ignored or the conversation changed. They eventually stopped using our Discord server and created their own to which I was not invited. They reappear and message me about once every two months now to say "I miss you" usually when they're drunk and then that's it.
I got into a static for Savage about a week after it came out, but the group itself couldn't stay together. We went 3 weeks and each raid night we had half or more of the group leaving for one reason or another and we didn't clear E1. I play black mage and some of the people who left said that unless I was putting out 15-16k, I shouldn't be in the static (no one in the static was doing over 10k at the time as we were learning the fight and they were having me do some really weird, uncomfortable positioning that I expressed concern over but was basically told "I'm not adjusting for anyone, you adjust for us."). They kicked the Ninja out because he missed 1 trick attack in a 3? min period. Being told I suck by people who weren't doing much better than me kind of knocked my confidence down a lot and so I've not tried again even though I do want to clear.
Since then, I've been on my own almost entirely. I have 1 friend on Midgardsormr but we now haven't done anything together for a month and he's not interested in doing much beyond roulettes and running Hades maybe once a month (I have yet to learn the fight). We also haven't really talked much for a month now. I have kind of made acquaintances with some other people on other servers and have done some casual stuff with a few of them but I feel very much like an outsider and not "good enough" for anything else since they clear TEA and all that. I'm never invited to roulettes or whatever, I mostly invite myself or ask if I can tag along for this or that.
I don't really know what I want out of this post. I've considered transferring off Midgardsormr to a more active server (I've checked out the recruitments here on Reddit and for Midgar there's been no activity for a month; I also have no fc at the moment and haven't had an FC invite in over a month) but I feel like where ever I go I'm having issues and I refuse to believe that it's always someone else's fault. I live by the motto: if you meet 1 asshole in a day, you met 1 asshole. If you meet assholes all day, chances are you are the asshole. Essentially, if you're the common denominator then the problem must be you.
But I don't know what my problem is. I just feel like I don't fit in, I can't make those connections. And lately I feel like I'm just.. drowning in loneliness and frustration. I'm an "older" (34) female gamer and I feel like that sometimes plays into it, but I also know there are a lot of people my age or older playing. Right now though, I feel like I'm paying a lot of money to basically sit afk and read Reddit or watch Netflix since I'm not doing much in game and I'm wondering if I should continue or if it's just that I'm not the right fit for the game even though I really do love it. Since I don't have friends in real life and have had this issue most of my life, I really do feel it's a me problem but I don't know how to fix myself to make me be someone people want to be around.
Does anyone else feel this way, or have felt this way, and if so what sort of things have helped?
I'm really sorry for the long-winded post and appreciate those of you that made it this far. <3
TL;DR: Feeling lonely after almost a year of being mostly alone, having trouble connecting w/ people and forming friendships, unsure what to do.
submitted by /u/--Maple--
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...