I run Praetorium. A lot. Yes, I do it for the same reasons as anybody else: the XP, the tomestones, the memes. I do it hoping against all hope every run that someday, somehow, that hammer will land on that stupid red crab-man’s whiny head.
But lately, something’s come to haunt me. Someone.
This guy.
https://preview.redd.it/nv1iebvjotm...bp&s=7d75e81042d70d505e2e5531999eadf51c7c3eb8
He’s the one we all run past on our way to kill a bunch of mobs standing at the next doorway. Unlike many of the other random imperial guards you run past, he doesn’t chase you very far before he rubberbands back to his where he started.
https://preview.redd.it/gcf6m9rxotm...bp&s=c4170ed71ccbc2f64b6c27885b038de3b4660d95
He makes his half-hearted attempt to stop the brigade of terrorists dressed as frogs, chocobos, and strippers, then decides, “Fuck it. The Empire conscripted me when I was 14. I’ve only been at this post for a month, and shit’s already hitting the fan. Those guys are causing havok, sure, but they’re not getting into the important places with where they’re going, so yeah… fuck it. I’m just going to hang back, do the required reading of Gaius’ 300 page manifesto, and count myself lucky that those terrifying freaks didn’t murder me.”
But then... then they come back. Only this time they’re in goddamn magitek armor. All. Of. Them. They’re blowing up EVERYTHING. He can hear the screams echoing around the Praetorium. He’s terrified.
But he still knows that he’s got to at least try. So he gets up his courage, belts out his best gravelly, “For the empire!” and then charges at them.
Then he sees that they’re getting ready to blow up the goddamn bunker that holds the batshit crazy weapon of mass destruction the legatus keeps crowing about and… you know what? Again, fuck this. He’s giving up on all of this nonsense and going home. His commanding officers will assume he was incinerated with all of the rest of his squad (if any of those officers survived incineration themselves). Maybe he’ll get a gig working somewhere warm and sunny, like Costa del Sol, keep his head down, meet a cute catgirl and settle down, and just be grateful to have dodged a crazed, rampaging mob not once, but twice, and survived.
So he rubberbands again, and as long as nobody in the group decides to make the effort to target and kill him, he’s going to make it out just fine. It’s not like he’s in a position to do any damage to you or stop you at all anyway.
Every time I see him running at my group, I think all of these thoughts. They give me pause. While the rest of my group of ragtag adventurers are busy blowing open the cerment bunker, I usually just stop and look at him for several seconds.
https://preview.redd.it/xgjpr5captm...bp&s=3af13254c3f3f463b4ec7eaf11d8010c7a6ef1f5
https://preview.redd.it/hkd7wjbeptm...bp&s=e439c48317023d1ab3bccd285a6ed6a1b90f007a
https://preview.redd.it/jqmyx9w1stm...bp&s=54edc83abc5d61b07036f2e986ca8349574d8062
https://preview.redd.it/amsnx7c5stm...bp&s=4e37ba56f81e511a9630ed812f2a9800332143e5
https://preview.redd.it/ppgeftyiptm...bp&s=73bd7de9f63630dc157dc3a78d333c9cafb4d6e0
https://preview.redd.it/pdikwa0dptm...bp&s=a17320b555dbdfdbd15b4c50ce1fff3b4f0196d7
submitted by /u/hey_dot_dot_dot
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