Patch Notes For April 1st, 2020

[RSS News]

Hello! In the past two years I wrote two sets of patch notes (2018, 2019) for April Fools. I always enjoy writing them so I wanted to give it another try this year!

Playable Content


[2.X] The duties "Castrum Meridianum" and "Praetorium" have been temporarily removed in preparation for the changes to the main scenario in 5.3.

We request that new players who arrive at this point in the story please have patience.*
​

\Note that it remains possible to skip past this portion of the main scenario with a special item for sale at the Mogstation.*

[5.X] Male Viera and female Hrothgar have been added to the game. Players who own Shadowbringers can now select these new character creation options.

Upon registering the pre-order code for FINAL FANTASY XIV: Shadowbringers to your service account, the Viera and the Hrothgar will be selectable races when creating new characters, editing your character's appearance using fantasia, or hiring a retainer.
​

Housing


[5.X] A new residential district has been added to Kholusia, called "The Copied Mist".

Please note that in order to access this new district, you will be required to delete a level 80 character.
​

The Manderville Gold Saucer


[2.X] The GATE "The Slice Is Right" has been adjusted as follows:

If you enter the GATE as a Samurai, you may now pre-emptively slice a piece of bamboo. Note that this will always knock you off the stage.
​

[2.X] Due to popular demand, the GATE "Skinchange We Can Believe In" has been added back to the rotation.

Battle System


[2.X][3.X][4.X][5.X] Actions and traits have been adjusted as follows:

Gladiator / Paladin

Action​

Adjustment
Circle of Scorn​

Added the following effect: "Using this ability will invoke the scorn of your party members."
Requiescat​

If the player character is a Viera, the name of this skill will change to "Requiesbun"
Intervention​

Changed the effect of this ability: "Transport the entire party to a small room with plenty of chairs to discuss the target party member's crippling video game addiction."
Royal Authority​

This skill may now only be used if your head gear is any type of crown.
Sheltron​

The name of this skill was changed to "Sheldon". Added additional effect: 'Upon blocking an incoming attack, your character will exclaim "Bazinga!".'
Confiteor​

The potency of this skill will now increase based on how many sins the player has confessed to.​

Marauder / Warrior

Action​

Adjustment
Inner Release​

We recommend to wear protection before you use this skill.
Storm's Path​

Use of this skill will now return you to the last location where you used "Steel Cyclone".
Fell Cleave​

Fell Cleave
Fell Cleave​

Fell Cleave!
FELL CLEAVE!!​

FELL CLEAVE!!!​

Dark Knight

Action​

Adjustment
The Blackest Night​

Complete absorption of the barrier will no longer grant Dark Arts.
Dark Arts​

Skill has been added back to the game with its original functionality.
Flood of Darkness​

Changed effect to: "Flood this shard with darkness."
Dark Missionary​

Skill has been renamed to "Dark Missionary Position". Please note that usage of this skill may result in termination of your service account.
Delirium​

Usage of this skill will make you believe that you are not the reason why your party keeps wiping.
Carve and Spit​

Range has been extended to 15y. When used outside of melee range, the potency is reduced to 50 and the attack name changes to "Spit".
Living Shadow​

Added the following effect: "If used while engaged in a sidequest, the simulacrum will berate you for wasting your time."​

Gunbreaker

Action​

Adjustment
Aurora​

At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, located entirely on your skill bar?
Sonic Break​

Added the following effect: "Increased potency if the target is very fast."
Bloodfest​

They are rage, toxic, without cooldowns.
Jugular Rip​

But you... You will be worse.
Abdomen Tear​

Rip and tear.
Demon Slaughter​

Until it is done.​

Pugilist / Monk

Action​

Adjustment
Snap Punch​

Using this skill immediately after someone in your vicinity delivers a snide remark will change the name to "Oh Snap Punch".
Dragon Kick​

The name of this skill has been changed to "Dragoon Kick". Usage of this skill will remove all Dragoon players from your party.
Meditation​

If this ability is used after all five chakras are open, you will enter a deeper meditative state and obtain the "Sleep" status effect.
Anatman​

Usage of this skill will now shrink the player character down. Accordingly, the name of this skill has been changed to "Antman".
Rockbreaker​

This skill will greatly impress all marauders and warriors in your party.​

Lancer / Dragoon

Action​

Adjustment
Full Thrust​

If this skill is not used as part of a combo, its name is changed to "Fool Thrust".
Jump​

The name of this skill was changed to "Might as well Jump".
High Jump​

The name of this skill was changed to "Go ahead and Jump!"
Raiden Thrust​

This skill is unable to kill targets enhanced with nanomachines, son.
Stardiver​

The animation duration of this skill has been extended to 9 years to account for travelling to and from the nearest star.​

Rogue / Ninja

Action​

Adjustment
Doton​

Use of this skill will make your character use the "/dote" emote on everyone within its area of effect.
Ten Chi Jin​

Use of this skill will now automatically spawn an AoE on your character.
Bunshin​

Changed the effect of this skill to: "Conjure a simulacrum of your darkside to fight alongside you."
Hide​

Shit man it's the cops, quick!​

Samurai

Samurai may now only wield weapons made of folded steel.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Hissatsu: Yaten​

To save time, use of this skill will instantly send you off the nearest cliff.
Midare Setsugekka​

Use of this skill will now freeze all party members standing too close to you.
Meikyo Shisui​

This ability now just grants you all three sen so you will stop fucking it up.
Oka​

This skill may now only be used in the spring, during the cherry blossom.​

Archer / Bard

The potency of "Army's Paeon", "Mage's Ballad" and "Foe Requiem" will be enhanced if the player sings while the effect is active.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Stormbite​

This skill can no longer be used outside of Stormblood content.
Bloodletter​

Use of this skill will inflict blood loss on your character, to account for the blood used to write the letter.
Sidewinder​

This skill can now only be used from a flank.
Apex Arrow​

The name of this skill has been changed to "Fortnite Arrow".​

Machinist

If a Gunbreaker uses a weapon skill while you are in melee range of them, your weapon durability will be reduced to 0.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Clean Shot​

This skill can now be used on a chocobo stable to increase its cleanliness level.
Hot Shot​

Use of this skill will now set the player on fire.
Drill​

The potency of this skill is increased if it is used while the player shouts "GIGA DRILL BREAKER!"
Bioblaster​

This skill can now be used on a chocobo stable to decrease its cleanliness level.
Automaton Queen​

Use of this skill will now make your character utter the phrase "Yass queen."​

Dancer

It is now only possible to play the Dancer job by connecting a DDR mat to your PC or console.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Bloodshower​

This skill will have increased potency if it is used after a nearby Gunbreaker uses Bloodbath.
Fountain​

This skill can now only be used while standing in water.
Curing Waltz​

This skill will have to be pressed three times before it takes effect.
Devilment​

What is it that the devil meant?
Fan Dance​

This skill can now only be executed while you are at a fanfest.
Closed Position​

During work hours, the name of this skill is changed to "Open Position".​

Thaumaturge / Black Mage

Action​

Adjustment
Fire​

This skill can now be used to remove a player from your free company.
Thunder​

The effect of this skill on enemy targets can be quite shocking.
Aetherial Manipulation​

This skill can now be used on party members in another area.
Between the Lines​

This skill will now automatically trigger if another player targets you with "Rescue".
Manafont​

Added the following effect: "Make all text on your screen glow."
Despair​

Upupupupupu...​

Arcanist / Summoner

Please be aware that Summoner will be removed in a future update.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Fester​

This skill can now only be used by players who are uncles.
Bane​

Ah yes! I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit... Or your gear?
Revelation​

Use of this skill will reveal an important plot point of the main story to you.​

Red Mage

Action​

Adjustment
Zwerchhau​

When not on the First, the name of this skill will change to "Lalafellhau"
Acceleration​

This effect ends early if a nearby Gunbreaker uses "Sonic Break".
Engagement​

Usage of this skill will now automatically plan a Ceremony of Eternal Bonding.
Scorch​

Changed effect to: "Become intoxicated." Accordingly, the name of this skill has been changed to "Scotch".​

Conjurer / White Mage

Action​

Adjustment
Glare​

Skill can no longer be used while under the effect of Blindness.
Assize​

Use of this skill will now require a measuring tape.
Divine Benison​

Use of this skill will now grant the Well Fed bonus to the target party member. Accordingly, the name of this skill has been changed to "Divine Venison".
Temperance​

While under the effect of "Temperance", the player is now capable of flight without using a flying mount.
Thin Air​

Use of this skill makes it hard to breathe.​

Scholar

Action​

Adjustment
Art of War​

Sun-Tzu said that!
Fey Illumination​

Use of this skill will now light up dark areas.
Sacred Soil​

This skill can now be used to increase the potency of crops.
Summon Seraph​

This skill is cool, but have you seen Phoenix?​

Astrologian

Action​

Adjustment
Draw​

When used during a PvP match, the match will instantly end without a victor.
Play​

Use of this skill will automatically unpause your music player of choice.
Diurnal Sect​

This skill has been removed and turned into a passive effect instead. This effect is only active during the day.
Nocturnal Sect​

This skill has been removed and turned into a passive effect instead. This effect is only active during the night.
Neutral Sect​

This skill can only be used if the player lives in Austria.
Lightspeed​

This effect ends early if a nearby Gunbreaker uses "Sonic Break".​

Blue Mage

In preparation for the expected release of 6.0 next year, the level cap of Blue Mage has been raised to 90.
​

Action​

Adjustment
Shock Strike​

Use of this skill will grant your character a beard.
Eruption​

Use of this skill will grant your character horns and set them on fire.
Surpanakha​

We had to temporarily disable this skill, because it was bugged.
Frog Legs​

Use of this skill disables your ability to walk for ten seconds, but you can still move by jumping.
Flying Sardine​

This skill can now be used agains the NPC "Asahi".
Pom Cure​

Upon use, your character will now utter the phrase "Kupo!"​

The following issues have been addressed.

• An issue wherein tank stances were still accessible.
• An issue wherein Black Mages could sometimes go for a whole ten seconds without having to move.
• An issue wherein Dancers were able to boost the damage of their party members.
• An issue in The Rak'tika Greatwood wherein players did not properly praise the Great Serpent of Ronka.
• An issue in Eulmore wherein male plus-sized Miqo'te NPCs did not properly appear.
• An issue wherein PUGs would occasionally clear Ruby Weapon.
• An issue wherein the lips on the character model of Gaia were appearing too small.
• An issue wherein the duty "Minstrel's Ballad: The Epic of Alexander" would restart after Perfect Alexander finishes casting Temporal Prison.

Known issues

• An issue wherein the fourth healer job does not properly appear in-game.
• An issue wherein the Mount Gulg theme does not play correctly in the Mount Gulg dungeon.
• An issue wherein White Chlorination Syndrome is incorrectly referred to as "Stoneblight" in quest dialogue.

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