We had a long conversation today with our characters seated at the Quicksand in Ul'dah. He is extremely unhappy with my behavior--already knew that, becaus he is often given to histrionic moments of "where has my little heal slut gone" or "I wish you healed me more." These tidbits pop up completely out of the blue, but i cannot help but exacerbate the situation because I've found an addiction solidly stronger than love itself. When he opened a trade window and "attempted" to trade his ceremonial ring back to me, I knew that my problem had grown into a monster I wasn't going to stop myself. I needed to seek help. And this is my first step--coming clean... the confessions of a DPS healer.
Every time I waste a cast on a GCD healing spell, for those 2.4 or so seconds, I feel like complete garbage. Like I should not exist. I now see myself as a DPS with faster queue times. Every single fight I've done in progression raiding, I add dissipating my fairy into the rotation--like an addict squeezing a few more drops of delight out of the cap, I literally slobber over the opportunity to throw out three more energy drains. Bye Selene, you're just a tool in the way of my 450 potency. Using them on lustrates or indoms is the equivalent of taking a vibrant green puppy and tossing it into a dumpster. In dungeons, I make sure to right click an enemy to get auto attacks in between the art of war casts. I can't remember the last time I hadn't set my swift cast to broil.
At first, my husband tried to force me off my mindset by sending my reddit links and forum articles, where the "healers heal" mentality is on full display.
Those only exacerbated my situation. I laid awake at night imagining never hitting a damage spell in dungeons. What a frightening life. It is not for me.
I think the day he really started to give up on me was when we got into an E3N. After finishing the fight, I had let out a joyful shriek: I had hit a 1 percentile healing parse and we survived the fight. My one heal was a lustrate on myself because moving out of the AoE would have lost me a broil.
Then, things came to a head because my husband wanted me to be his little heal laborer in an unsynced trial, to farm the mount. We had one friend with us to supplement DPS...
Our friend mounted the Rathalos in the phase where the big old elephant creature comes our, while we tried our best to deal with the hulking, angry DPS check. Of course, I felt a wave of arousal hit me at this opportunity to deploy everything in my arsenal! Meanwhile, and "allegedly," my husband was at half health for six full seconds before the elephant attacked. And it killed him.
Despite us successfully completing the trial, my dejected partner left our group call and said he would like to take a break.
I agree, and try to head out to my favorite spot to do my three hours of Scholar DPS practice, the training dummies at Falcon Reach. While I'm there... I see someone. It's the person I paid real life to marry and share a mount with. Now on a different mount, the Rathalos... flanked by an astrologian.
I couldn't believe it. I finished my DPS rotation and asked what the hell was happening. My husband, caught in the act, just said he found himself a new pocket healer.. an ASTRO. A class built around giving other classes damage? How subservient can one person get?!
And that's when he told me to stop throwing a tantrum in our FC chat and to meet him in Ul'Dah. Hearing my actions explained back to me, it put a seed of doubt in me that these minute-faster clears were not worth this marital anguish. Seeing him there, hurt and confused by my behavior, it made me realize my pursuit of damage had led me to causing the highest damage of all: harm to my beloved.
We tried Ratahlos extreme again, and beside biolysis, I only spammed succor and adlo in the first phase. His health never went below 80%, despite him getting smacked by every single tackle. When the elephant came, I just sat there and spammed six separate lustrates on him the second the agro line appeared. He was so happy.
Afterward, I went to my bathroom and puked, then passed out in the puke for four hours. Damage withdrawals.
Alas, here I am. Stuck between my symptoms, and the need to change. Lo, is there any recourse for a freak like me? Perhaps I should retire for good, just go to begging for commendations in Guildhests... it would be well-deserved to take this rabid hrothgar out back.
Unless one of you can help. Though I doubt it will do much, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please save my relationship and 14 healer career.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by /u/Papaya_Dreaming
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Continue reading...
Every time I waste a cast on a GCD healing spell, for those 2.4 or so seconds, I feel like complete garbage. Like I should not exist. I now see myself as a DPS with faster queue times. Every single fight I've done in progression raiding, I add dissipating my fairy into the rotation--like an addict squeezing a few more drops of delight out of the cap, I literally slobber over the opportunity to throw out three more energy drains. Bye Selene, you're just a tool in the way of my 450 potency. Using them on lustrates or indoms is the equivalent of taking a vibrant green puppy and tossing it into a dumpster. In dungeons, I make sure to right click an enemy to get auto attacks in between the art of war casts. I can't remember the last time I hadn't set my swift cast to broil.
At first, my husband tried to force me off my mindset by sending my reddit links and forum articles, where the "healers heal" mentality is on full display.
Those only exacerbated my situation. I laid awake at night imagining never hitting a damage spell in dungeons. What a frightening life. It is not for me.
I think the day he really started to give up on me was when we got into an E3N. After finishing the fight, I had let out a joyful shriek: I had hit a 1 percentile healing parse and we survived the fight. My one heal was a lustrate on myself because moving out of the AoE would have lost me a broil.
Then, things came to a head because my husband wanted me to be his little heal laborer in an unsynced trial, to farm the mount. We had one friend with us to supplement DPS...
Our friend mounted the Rathalos in the phase where the big old elephant creature comes our, while we tried our best to deal with the hulking, angry DPS check. Of course, I felt a wave of arousal hit me at this opportunity to deploy everything in my arsenal! Meanwhile, and "allegedly," my husband was at half health for six full seconds before the elephant attacked. And it killed him.
Despite us successfully completing the trial, my dejected partner left our group call and said he would like to take a break.
I agree, and try to head out to my favorite spot to do my three hours of Scholar DPS practice, the training dummies at Falcon Reach. While I'm there... I see someone. It's the person I paid real life to marry and share a mount with. Now on a different mount, the Rathalos... flanked by an astrologian.
I couldn't believe it. I finished my DPS rotation and asked what the hell was happening. My husband, caught in the act, just said he found himself a new pocket healer.. an ASTRO. A class built around giving other classes damage? How subservient can one person get?!
And that's when he told me to stop throwing a tantrum in our FC chat and to meet him in Ul'Dah. Hearing my actions explained back to me, it put a seed of doubt in me that these minute-faster clears were not worth this marital anguish. Seeing him there, hurt and confused by my behavior, it made me realize my pursuit of damage had led me to causing the highest damage of all: harm to my beloved.
We tried Ratahlos extreme again, and beside biolysis, I only spammed succor and adlo in the first phase. His health never went below 80%, despite him getting smacked by every single tackle. When the elephant came, I just sat there and spammed six separate lustrates on him the second the agro line appeared. He was so happy.
Afterward, I went to my bathroom and puked, then passed out in the puke for four hours. Damage withdrawals.
Alas, here I am. Stuck between my symptoms, and the need to change. Lo, is there any recourse for a freak like me? Perhaps I should retire for good, just go to begging for commendations in Guildhests... it would be well-deserved to take this rabid hrothgar out back.
Unless one of you can help. Though I doubt it will do much, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please save my relationship and 14 healer career.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by /u/Papaya_Dreaming
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...